There's an Army Man in my Medicine Cabinet

The last time I (Andy) posted anything on a blog was when Xanga was cool - so bear with me. I've been told that I write like I talk so feel free to respond and interact verbally while you read this.

The army man may or may not be mine but the fact remains that there is a an army man on the bottom shelf of the medicine cabinet in our master bathroom and I didn't put it there. He's been there for at least a month a half and I don't see him retreating back to base camp anytime soon. It has been such a gigantic life change to go from being just the two of us to the now family of five that we are. (Wow! I still can barely believe it!)

I can't help but look back over the past ten months and try and list the hundreds of changes that have happened in our life. Bigger house, bigger car, more toys, the seemingly million appointments every month, lack of personal space, and the list goes on and on. But for every one change in our life there's a hundred for each of our boys. Between our three boys they have lived in eight different homes, they have attended three different school districts, they've had countless caregivers, and their list goes on and on and on.

These boys, our boys, are our life now. We can't remember what our life was like before them and we don't care to know. Of all the places they have lived ours is different because we will, God willing, be their last home as children. Ours is different because they are healing here. Ours is different because they can call us dad and mom. And one of the many things these boys need is to be somebody's life. They need to be in a place where they can leave toys everywhere because it's their house too. Building in basic security, that a lot of us got as kids growing up not even realizing it, is what we do most often with our boys.

This is what's been on my heart lately because this is a really tough part of foster care and adoption. It's easy to forget that the boys are stuck in survival mode sometimes and that makes it frustrating for us.

So here's an update on where we are at with our adoption process. We went to court today for what we thought was going to be a kind of pretrial. It was actually just a time to set up the termination hearing. It could have been more than that if the birth parents had decided that they wanted to voluntarily consent to our adoption. So now we await the termination hearing which lasts for a day and a half and its decided whether or not to terminate their parental rights. The birth parents can still consent as late as the day of the hearing.

This is a very strange and difficult spot for us and we would appreciate your prayers. Pray that we can navigate our feelings and have the wisdom to guide our precious and fragile boys through this process. Even though we try on our own too often, we know that God's plan will be the last say.

Dear Loved Ones

Let me be clear: God led me to this place, the place of foster care and all that comes with it. But, He used two families in particular, ten individuals, in my life to get me here. To say these people have a special place in my heart would be a gross understatement.

To the People who helped lead me here, and keep me going:

I'm not entirely sure how to accurately describe the role you all have played in my life to this point, and the one you continue to play now -- You, the brave people that climbed the mountain I am beginning to scale, who are standing on the other side speaking encouragement into my journey. There are so many ways that you have influenced my life and my family, and I am so thankful.

Thank you for making foster care and adoption a completely normal part of my life and family growing up. This was the first brick laid on the road that brought me here. Thank you for affirming the notion that family is not limited to shared DNA, and for displaying how families could grow in other ways than in the womb.

Thank you for inviting me in to your family and your life -- your real life. For giving me a front-row seat into the messiness that is parenthood in the foster care system and post-adoption. For showing me that there's very little romance in foster care and adoption, but it's still one of the most beautiful and redeeming things anyone could ever experience. This helped me to have more realistic expectations for what I was walking in to, but also allowed me to be certain that I would never regret it.

Thank you for trusting me enough to allow me to spend time with your children, as their babysitter and their family member. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to be family to these children who came to us in a "different" way. This altered my life.

Thank you for walking ahead of us in this, for being the faithful example for us to look to. Thank you for the encouragement you have provided to me now as I try to sort through the wonderful chaos that is our life. This serves to uplift my spirit in the overwhelming moments.

There are countless other things I am grateful for, having you all in my life. The other day I read an article about adoption where the author stated, "No one adopts a child in a historical vacuum. There is always a backstory behind the decision to adopt."

You all are my backstory. Thank you.

How I Really Feel...

Sometimes when I think about all the waiting we've done and all the uncertainty we are still facing, I get frustrated and impatient. We are very excited to be foster parents, and on the one hand, I can't wait to finally get a call about some kids that I can welcome into my home and love. It's all I think about. But on the other hand, I don't ever want to get that call. And it's not because I'm scared I don't have what it takes (although, sometimes I am...). It's because in order for me to get that call, a family has to experience tragedy.

The writer of Ecclesiastes says, "For everything there is a season...a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance..."

What the writer of Ecclesiastes doesn't say is that sometimes those seasons actually happen in the same moment. The upcoming season of our life will be the season for all of these things, often simultaneously.

When children enter our home, it will mean that they will have just experienced trauma on top of heartbreak. Children are placed in foster care because some form of abuse or neglect was taking place in their home. First, they experience that heartbreak, and then are removed from their home and everything that is familiar. Trauma. Regardless of whether or not their situation was bad, it was their situation. Their home. Their family. Their heartbreak.

That is why I will weep and mourn. Because the original plan was not for children to have broken relationships with their parents. The original plan was not separation. We know this because this mirrors our own relationship with God. Sin and separation were not in the original plan. But, God also made a plan for restoration. And that is why I rejoice and dance. That is why I am a foster parent, to help restore. Why wouldn't I want to be a part of the restoration of a family, or the healing of a child?

So, in the months to come, I expect to grieve and I hope to celebrate. These things will happen hand-in-hand, in bittersweet moments. My heart will both break and rejoice as I welcome children into my home when they have just been ripped from theirs. I will beam with pride and be overcome with sorrow when children experience small successes in my care, but away from their parents. I will weep and dance if, and when, I experience the reunification of my foster children to their birth families. And, perhaps, one day my heart will overflow with joy but be stricken with grief on the day we become a forever family for children who could never return to their first family.

This is what we are opening our home and hearts to as foster parents. The command in Romans to "Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep" never seemed so complicated. Sometimes I feel like this will be too much for me to handle, but if God is in the business of restoration, I had better be there too.

Thanks for your prayers.