The Weight of Risk

I get it. I understand why a lot of people are terrified to be foster parents. The risk. Risk of getting attached, risk loving and losing, risk of losing that false sense of control we have over our lives and families, risk of getting hurt, risk of losing friends, risk of being wrongly accused, risk of heartbreak. There is a lot of risk when it comes to love of any kind, and the love and loss of foster care sits in a pretty high-risk category.

I am feeling the weight of that risk right now. It feels massive and a little unfair. In fact, I'd like to throw a bit of a tantrum about it. However, I'm currently studying the book of Esther, (because I still believe that God has a sense of humor), and girlfriend was all about risk. What Esther risked wasn't her reputation, home life, or heart. She risked her life. She hesitated (4:10-11), she weighed the risk, but she resolved to move forward in faith and with courage (and respect for those in authority over her). So, basically, I'm not super happy with Esther right now.

There are times when I am confused or unclear about what God is doing. My viewpoint has looked fairly murky for the past few months, but I know the character of God. He has a track record, not only in my life, but in the lives of those I love, in history, in the book of Esther. Not only does He have a track record of working a good plan, but we have been told to expect not just risk, but sacrifice and hardship on the path to loving God and loving people.

I'm still feeling the weight of risk, I'm rumbling with it as Brené Brown would say. (The rumble is when "you’re too far in to turn around and not close enough to the end to see the light.") But I still believe more are called to move forward in faith and with courage into the high-risk world of foster care. I don't know what it will look like for everyone (social worker, foster parent, advocate, mentor), I don't even know what it will always look like for me at this point. But I do know this, the system is not just broken, it's shattered into a million pieces, and the most innocent bystanders of the ricochet are the children in foster care, and coming alongside them is worth the risk of some cuts.

Much love from #thecrazyhouse