Sunday, August 24, 2014

It Takes Time

Today marks the one-year anniversary of the day Little Man moved in with us and made us a family of five. That little boy is celebrating the day by puking his guts out. Subsequently I am celebrating by cleaning puke out of our mattress, his hair, my clothes, the rug, and anything else within spit radius. (Please feel free to feel simultaneously happy and grossed out for us.)

Tomorrow will start the new school year, something we've actually done with all three boys before. For the first time we're repeating life events with them. We've been school shopping before, met new teachers, signed them up for sports. It feels like we're starting to get into a rhythm, in some ways. But in many others we're still flying blind, and the constant refrain is "it takes time."

The adoption process takes time. We're getting there. We've been told by our adoption lawyer and our caseworker that it is very likely we can get it all wrapped up by the end of this year. We go to court again in mid-September and we will hopefully get some more details. We're excited for this process to come to a close, but when it does there are still other things that will take time.

The other day I told a friend that I'm happy that the first thing people think about my children is not "they are so traumatized," because that means that they are healing and their scars don't show all the time (we've come a long way from anxiety meltdowns in Target). But, those scars are there. And some things have to get worse before they can get better.

Healing is happening for them. The boys are trusting more and feeling secure as members of our family. But they have a long road ahead of them. Just because you can't see their scars doesn't mean they aren't there. Anxiety attacks and behavioral issues are still a regular part of our lives, but they aren't happening in a vacuum with no cause. These things are the effects of years of trauma.

Andy and I are fixers. We're constantly trying to figure out what we can do to help the boys learn, understand, process, heal. I'm researching, all the time, methods that we can implement to provide more felt security or to reduce anxiety. We want so badly to take this pain and confusion away. But the truth is, these things take time.

So, as much as it may seem like the Young household should be "business as usual" now after a year, our "usual" looks different from a lot of families, and it's just going to take time.

Thanks for continuing to pray for us, think about us, read this little blog, and ask us how it's going. We love and appreciate you all. 

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